DT: Hunchback of Notre Dame 2 ~ 2002

…….. sigh, here’s the next Disney sequel review…..

Well, here’s the Disney sequel that I’ve been dreading since I began my Disney sequel reviews…. Not JUST because it’s so bad it can be classified as a torture device, but because it’s a sequel to one of my absolute FAVOURITE Disney films….. Yep, this is one that a LOT of people have been warning be about….. but if I could survive BELLE’S MAGICAL WORLD, I think I can survive THIS horrid film….. So, here we go…. Hunchback of Notre Dame 2…

The Hunchback of Notre Dame is no doubt, one of the darkest and possibly BRAVEST of the Disney films. It tackled some PRETTY mature themes – including religious prejudice, genocide and even dark lust…. Yeah, not something you’d usually expect from a Disney film, is it? Even though, as a child, I STILL really enjoyed this film, and when I grew up and realised the themes that were involved, I loved the film even MORE. Also, the music is astounding, the animation is some of the best from Disney, and the characters are all memorable… YES, even the Gargoyles, in my opinion. I know some people are annoyed by the gargoyles – I don’t take offence towards them like most people because one – I actually found them FUNNY, and two – unlike Timon and Pumbaa, they didn’t force any rancid morals onto the main character. And plus….. THE VILLAIN. Frollo is my second favourite Disney villain, second only to Professor Ratigan, and for good reason - He's out to commit genocide and using religion as an excuse, lusts after a member of the group he wants to commit genocide on, makes Quasimodo go through emotional abuse, and lastly... HIS. VILLAIN. SONG. It’s probably my favourite Disney villain song. This guy is terrifying, and he's such an effective villain. Even without the first five minutes of the movie, you can see his colours when he does the alphabet with Quasimodo... And the film itself is definitely in my Top 5 Disney films, joining Basil the Great Mouse Detective, Fantasia, Aladdin and Treasure Planet. The film thankfully has more of a fanbase nowadays than it did when it was released, but I personally think it’s still one of the more underappreciated Disney films…. So, if you haven’t seen the film yet, I very highly recommend it.

Just like I advise that you STAY AWAY from Hunchback of Notre Dame 2… One of the things people take offence towards in the first film is that Quasimodo didn’t get together with Esmerelda… I don’t so much because it’s closer to the Victor Hugo novel the film is based on, and the fact that Quasimodo LIVES at the end is an upgrade from the book. But sadly, some money-grabbing DULLARD at Disney thought one day ‘HEY! You know what would be a fun idea for a Disney sequel?! Let’s RAPE the original and make it so Quasimodo gets a girlfriend!’ ….. Yeah, the SOLE crux of this film is to satisfy those ungrateful people out there who don’t love the original for what it is and give Quasi a girlfriend….. And while they do so, they’ll rip out ALL the seriousness and maturity that the original has, and turn into the most OVERLY mushy and lovey-dovey romance that could even make TWILIGHT look subtle…. Yes, I’m THAT serious, it’s annoying, it’s unnecessary, it’s unlikeable, it’s stupid, and it’s…. pretty much… unwatchable…. But for this review’s sake, and seen as I have an hour to kill, I’ll watch and review this stupid film anyway. Is it worse than Belle’s Magical World? Well… let’s find out.

First of all, I should point out that this film came out AFTER Return of Jafar. I say this because the animation in this film is actually WORSE than Return of Jafar…. As well as some incredibly choppy movements, this animation has awkward pauses, confusing facial expressions, and, get this, CLOTHES OF THE CHARACTERS CHANGING COLOUR IN BETWEEN SCENES…. After the Disney logo (where even the BELLS seem like sad ghosts of their former selves), in the opening scene… some… mediocrely animated pigeons fly to Notre Dame, and the camera pans to a bell…. Studded with jewels on the inside…. To reveal the title… The BLINDING light here is an analogy as to how blindingly BAD the film is. And now the camera pans to the plaza outside Notre Dame… And here’s my first big problem with the film. As well as the animation being sub par, and the first song here is forgettable and bland, the population of Paris seems to have been reduced down to a very small number… remember how the animation budget in the original film allowed for HUNDREDS, maybe THOUSANDS of people, to be on screen at once? Here… the population seems to have been reduced to about…. Twenty or thirty. What, did the PLAGUE hit, or something? Also, Clopin says that their favourite holiday is some St Valentine’s Day themed event…. But I thought the Festival of Fools was their favourite holiday… The Festival D’Amour revolves around… love. At least Quasi’s singing voice is nice here, as normal. But sadly, this won’t last…. As the awkwardly animated and bland song ends, Quasi has a yellow tulip from the festival, and mopes because he doesn’t have a girlfriend….

And yeah, another problem props up now… I personally didn’t mind the gargoyles in the original film, but HERE, the gargoyles are extremely obnoxious – an example being the scene where Laverne and Hugo have an argument and Laverne punches Hugo… God, I liked them in the original, but in THIS film, they’re Timon and Pumbaa levels of annoying… Quasimodo goes to polish the bell for the festival, La Fidelle. But then – ‘TORO! TORO!’ Oh dear lord no…. THIS puke stain. Yeah, so hello to the most ANNOYING character in the WHOLE film….. Esmerelda and Phoebus’ EXTREMELY OBNOXIOUS and ANNOYING son… Zephyr. Believe it or not, he is actually voiced by the same boy who voiced SORA in Kingdom Hearts and the main child from The Sixth Sense….. Yep, just like Tara Strong being tarnished by Little Mermaid 2, HALEY JOEL OSMONT has been tarnished by Hunchback 2… Yeah, no joke – Zephyr is voiced by Haley Joel Osmont at his VERY worst… Esmerelda and Phoebus come upstairs, and then Esmerelda marvels at La Fidelle…. The way she calls the bell magnificent, in that tone of voice – you know, the same way she talked to QUASIMODO in the original – seems a bit odd. THE BELL IS A HUNK OF LIFELESS METAL. Oh, and now… an annoying bit from Phoebus – ‘She’ll be screaming LOUDLY into the night ‘I love my husband… Phoebus!’ You’ll need to scream it loudly to hear it over me saying ‘I LURVE ESMERELLLDUUUUH!’’ ……WE GET IT, they’re in love. Quasimodo goes into the bell, which is…. Wait, the BELL is studded with jewels inside?! I mean, a bell needs to RING to be of any use… and I highly doubt a bell that is filled with GEMSTONES will be able to ring… By the way, who’s drunk idea WAS it to fill a bell with JEWELS?! It could have been LESS trouble to just PAINT the metal inside a different colour. It would make it beautiful on the inside (by the way, this painfully obvious metaphor will be bou Also, Quasi’s reflection in the gems is.. pretty awkwardly animated. Quasi mopes about how he doesn’t have a girlfriend, and Esmerelda shows Quasimodo his reflection again…. And… for some reason, he sees himself looking less deformed… But for an even MORE confusing reason, he looks WORSE in THIS reflection then he does while deformed… He looks PUG-NOSED here.

Anyway, Zephyr (rather annoyingly) announces that a circus has come to town… and as usual, it’s awkwardly animated….. The ringleader of the circus, Sarousch, arrives, showing off his magic tricks to the crowd. By the way, this guy has got NOTHING on Frollo as the villain as this film… Yeah, I’ll explain more about that later, but let me say right now, Frollo would beat up Sarousch FIRST ROUND in a fight. Sarousch is a pretty pathetic excuse for a villain…. But for now, he tries to make his assistant appear in a box… but he can’t pull make her appear. So, he tells the crowd to come to the circus to see it, and then disappears in a puff of smoke. And here, we get introduced to the SECOND most annoying character in the whole film… Madellaine, Sarousch’s assistant… Guess what role she’ll play? No, seriously… Yep, she will be Quasimodo’s love interest in the film. Those of you who think FLASH SENTRY is bland, give him some credit, at least he is NOWHERE near as annoying and bland as Madellaine is… Sarousch calls for Madellaine… who pathetically falls off the tightrope and blabbers annoyingly… And now, Sarousch –

Sarousch: *looks at himself in the mirror* Hello… hmhmhm… Oooh, lovely….

Err….. Yeah, THIS is our villain for the evening, folks… Instead of wanting to take out all the gypsies in Paris and FORCE Esmerelda to be his own, like Frollo did, ALL that Sarousch wants is, get this – LA FIDELLE. Yeah, he wants to steal that bell, and use it… for what, you may ask? MONEY.

We’ve GOT to have… MONEY….

Okay, how the hell does he KNOW about this bell? I highly doubt that a CHURCH BELL would be a conversation topic that would reach far and wide, personally… I’m not sure whether he’s from Paris, but I doubt it, seen as he tries to escape Paris later in the film. Also, instead of being as threatening, cunning and malicious as Frollo was in the first film, all we get for Sarousche’s ‘personality’ is self-centred vanity… I mean, at least he APTLY says that Madellaine is as dumb as a post (he says that thinking is not Madellaine’s strong suit… and he’s actually correct! ), but all we get is him making kissy-faces at himself in the mirror, and saying ‘Ooh lovely’ over and over…. He’s pretty much a French mixture of The Great and Powerful Trixie from Friendship is Magic and that annoying fop Fleur L’Belle from Phoenix Wright: Dual Destinies….. He sends Madellaine up to Notre Dame to practically SEDUCE the bell ringer into telling her which bell La Fidelle is. I’m NOT joking. Sarousch ACTUALLY says ‘wile and beguile him, and he’ll tell EXACTLY what I want to know’. Also, what’s with all the awkward pauses in this film? I’m not kidding, most of the time, it feels like the animators are trying to STALL the film by having the film pause on characters awkwardly staring into space for prolonged periods of time….

Quasimodo and the gargoyles are cleaning the bells as Madellaine heads down the extremely desolate and abandoned streets…. Okay, this is PARIS, not FALLOUT 3! Where’s all the TOWNSPEOPLE?! Again, it’s almost like the PLAGUE hit Paris, or something. Madellaine goes into the, once again, extremely desolate cathedral, and goes up the stairs to Quasi…. Oh, and now the gargoyles are, instead of giving Quasimodo confidence that he CAN find love, are FORCING him out to see Madellaine. Wow… flanderisation indeed… And now Madellaine goes messing around with Quasi’s stuff… and when Madellaine sees Quasi hiding under a bell, she says, in an awkward way, ‘it looks like you’re wearing a really big hat.’ And they both laugh at the… ahem… ‘joke’, and they make more awkward hat puns… Madellaine turns to the gargoyles, and sees them moving… Quasi is turned on by Madellaine’s bland beauty, and… then, as soon as he comes out, even though it was CLEAR that Quasi was friendly, when she lets out the sunlight to see him, she runs away in fear… Yeah, SHALLOW. And when Madellaine runs away upon seeing Quasi is ugly - it feels a LOT like a re-hash of the first film where he's humiliated at the Festival of Fools - I mean, if he's the TOWN MASCOT now, he shouldn't be TOO self-conscious about his looks, should he?

And now… as Quasi makes a figure of Madellaine, he talks about ‘Ordinary Miracles’, and starts talking about couples being with each other…. And starts singing - *he begins* GAAARGH! As soon as he started singing, I literally cringed. I mean, Quasimodo sang FINE earlier in the film, but here… Ow… Also, this song is pretty damn bland, and the animation on Quasi is pretty damn awkward here… No wonder the song is called ‘Ordinary Miracles’….. And the lyrics of the song just sound like throwaway pickup lines that even Holli Would would cringe at…. The only GOOD thing about this song is that I get to see some bats in the belfry. Okay, just a side note, ANY SCENE with bats in usually wins me over. But then Quasimodo…. Er…. Slides down a bell and dives down in a rather choppily animated way… Speaking of which, the way he jumps around the bell tower seems a bit awkward, and the whole idea of ‘imagine someone to love who loves you’ just sounds…. Like a very awkward lyric… Just like the rest of this film.

Oh, and HERE is where the film becomes even MORE like a ripoff of the first film. The gargoyles talk to him about going to the circus, and….. well, Laverne says this – ‘ You can sit here and wait for a miracle to happen, or you can get out there and find a miracle of your own’. YEAH, sound familiar?! ‘Take it from an old spectator, life is not a spectator sport. If watching is all you’re going to do, you’re going to watch your life go by without you!’ And I thought Little Mermaid 2 was a blatant re-hash of the original…. Speaking of re-hashing of the original, Quasimodo goes to the cicus wearing Frollo’s old clothes… Oh, Frollo, I miss you… And when Quasi says ‘How do I look’, I can’t help but think ‘Like an idiot’. The way everyone awkwardly stares at him seems to show they agree with me. They go to the barren circus (once again, only about twenty or thirty people there. ), and now Phoebus begins to turn into a racist douchebag….. Yeah, MORE character flanderisation. Phoebus starts being overly harsh to carnies, even though they act quite a bit like gypsies apparently… Yeah, anyone who’s seen the original film will remember that Phoebus wasn’t prejudiced in the SLIGHTEST – he HELPED the gypsies out in the first film, and he didn’t think badly of them at all – he even PAID them for their dancing in the first film. So, like Little Mermaid 2, this film is altering and BASTARDIZING character personalities just to suit the plot. Also, Esmerelda’s eyes are BLUE in this film – strange, I remember them being GREEN in the first film. And I highly doubt medieval Paris had CONTACT LENSES… Unless Sly Cooper and his friends have been going around in their time machine, bringing about things from other time periods, I see NO reason why Esmerelda’s eyes should have changed colour….

And now, back to Sarousche and Madellaine. Saroushce acts even MORE like Fleur L’Belle – it’s revealed that, for some uninteresting reason, Sarousche is secretly ugly, and has his assistant makes him look handsome….. As shown by awkward animation of the assistant stretching Sarousche’s face… By the way, Madellaine works for Sarousche because she stole from him when she was a little girl, and he has forced her to work for him ever since. By the way, ANOTHER problem with this film – the villain is not INTERESTING in the slightest. He’s one of those bland villains you don’t really care at all about… Just like the rest of the new characters to this film… And now it’s time for some more awkward animation – Sarousch’s assistant puts on a corset on him and crushes his chest and then… stretches his face…. Yeah, and I thought the Belle derp was bad….. And when the mirrors come down…. We get an extremely stupid line…. Imagine that… Yeah, remember how AWESOME Frollo’s lines were in the first film?

And he shall smite the wicked and PLUNGE them into the fiery PIT!

Well, here’s one of Sarousche’s lines…

I could… KISS me… *makes an awkward kissy face at himself in the mirror* But I’d fall in love…

…..Yeah, see what I mean by Sarousche being NOWHERE NEAR as imposing or memorable a villain as Frollo? At least this line is a ‘so bad it’s laughable’ line. But that’s as awkwardly funny as the film gets, by the way. Now he calls Madellaine (who stares awkwardly into the mirror for a LONG time again) on stage….

Now some of the WORST animation in the whole film occurs in the circus with the fire jugglers… as the crowd finally gets a bit larger….. Oh, and now Sarousche starts taking part in magic that I doubt even The Great and Powerful Trixie would be able to pull off… also, in this world, if WITCHES can be burnt at the stake, wouldn’t practicing magic be considered as witchcraft? Oh, and now random lights start coming on….   HOW, exactly? Oh, by the way, how is it possible for two men to carry a full grown elephant, exactly? The men don’t look very muscular… As the act is going on, distracting the crowd with the runaway Dumbo elephant, carnies go about the crowd, stealing people’s valuables… without anyone noticing, for some reason…. Okay, sure they’re being distracted by a magic show – misdirection and all that – but you’d think someone would notice their EARRINGS being pulled off… Oh, and when Zephyr cheers…. It reminds me how absolutely annoying the character is…. His voice AND his personality…. And I thought Vanellope Von Schweetz was annoying… Oh, and Quasimodo stares vacantly at Madellaine's bland beauty - more like the animators wanted a reason to keep him staring like that, preventing them from putting effort into animating. By the way, how does Quasi’s hat keep changing colour in this scene…

Now, as Zephyr’s obnoxious laughing carries on, a pointless gratuitous song suddenly starts up…. Out of nowhere, Zephyr and Quasimodo talk about them never leaving each other – yeah, it comes out of nowhere as much as Ash telling Pikachu they’ll always be together at the end of Destiny Deoxys did….. Plus… ZEPHYR SINGING… THE PAIN….. THE PAIN….. It’s almost as bad as Wilma the Weasel’s singing from Flight Before Christmas, or.. dare I say it… MR WHITEY’S singing from Eight Crazy Nights… Oh, and Madellaine causes destruction as she follows Quasi and Zephyr taking part in their lame song…. And somehow, no-one notices her… Oh, and Zephyr FALLS ASLEEP during the song.... It's bad when even HE is bored by it... At least Quasimodo’s singing at the end is pretty gentle…. And all that song’s ONLY point was for Madellaine to see that Quasimodo is kind… Even though she say that earlier…. Oh, and now Madellaine comes across Quasi…. And they take part in annoying, generic small talk… While Quasi stutters like an idiot. And they take part in lame jokes, and Quasi states the obvious – ‘Paris is… really pretty’… YOU DON’T SAY. Now Quasi and Madellaine go out to explore Paris together, while Sarousche spies on them, and now says ‘I love you’ to all the jewels stolen… and to himself in the reflection… Yeah, see what I mean by this guy being OVERLY vain…. It’s almost like he’s in love with himself…

Meanwhile, everyone complains to Phoebus about having all their valuables stolen…. By the way, all these people in the crowd have either taken STUPID things to the circus to be lost, have overly grating voices, or both…. Well…. you wouldn’t take money to pay your LANDLORD to a circus, would you? Including one man who says he has lost…. Sigh… HIS LIFE SAVINGS. Yeah, because you’d REALLY take your life savings to a circus…. If you do that, you’ve pretty much brought it on yourself… Also, where are the other guards? If this is a HUGE problem, everyone being robbed by an expert thief at all, wouldn’t you have MORE guards on standby to ask questions or investigate? Oh, and by the way, it takes Phoebus quite a LONG time to put two and two together and realise that the circus coming to town and the robberies being related are LINKED. You’d think the Captain of the Guard would be a tad smarter…. And no, Phoebus wasn’t an idiot in the first film… Again, they’re making the personalities of the characters DIFFERENT just to serve this contrived plot… If the guards are this stupid and this LIGHT in numbers, and people are bringing their LIFE SAVINGS to a circus… something tells me Sly Cooper would have easy pickings here….

And this is the point where the film REALLY gets overly mushy and sappy…. Quasimodo and Madellaine go out for a night on the town as he shows Madellaine the sights… including a pointless soufflé tasting scene, and showing Madellaine rosemary… Oh, and Madellaine says they smell ‘FLOWERY’ – yep, she’s an airhead. Then they go up a lighthouse to…. Another awkward moment where Madellaine closes her eyes ON A STAIRCASE and ‘listens to Paris’. And then Quasimodo…… er, picks Madellaine up and jumps on the rooftops with her.. Er… I don’t think it’s a good idea to take a ditzy airhead who lacks co-ordination to go RUNNING ON THE ROOFTOPS. She’s not Sly Cooper, she doesn’t have…. Oh, wait…. Suddenly she’s able to keep her balance on the narrow boards and rooftops… Oh, and then there’s another song coming from the gargoyles. And, let me just tell you all reading this, if you have ever had a completely POINTLESS idea for a song, I mean, a musical number that just has NO purpose for existing…. TAKE A LISTEN TO THIS.

‘He’s FALALALAfallen in love…. Falalala, he’s FALALALAFallen in love!’ OKAY! I GET IT! HE’S IN LOVE! You don’t need to keep beating me over the head with it that you’re forcing two characters that share absolutely NO charisma with each other into a romantic relationship! And plus… as normal, the animation is rather awkward, and like at the circus scene earlier, the lighting quite randomly changes in a choppy way – making it so the CHARACTERS change colour, but the backgrounds don’t… Oh, and remember the gargoyle’s song in the original, where it was KIND of the same thing as this one, but at least had nice visuals and a MUCH catchier tune and lyrics? Well…. This film has the gargoyles… leap-frogging over statues and spinning…. How breath-taking… Oh, and Hugo jumps off a tower a few hundred feet and lands… somehow not cracking himself… Oh, god… now everyone is staring at Quasi and Madellaine stumble on some bunting, and…. swallowing the rain…. Urgh… make the generic lame song stop…. The song keeps going ‘he’s fallen in love’ for WAY TOO LONG – once again, I DID NOT NEED a song to tell Quasimodo has fallen in love! I don’t mind romance related songs – after all ‘I Won’t Say I’m in Love’ from Hercules, ‘Can You Feel the Love Tonight’ from The Lion King, ‘A Brand New World’ from Aladdin and ‘Beauty and the Beast’ from… well, Beauty and the Beast, and many more romance related songs from Disney are some of my FAVOURITE songs from Disney. So, I don’t have ANYTHING against romance in films, I REALLY don’t! But if you’re going to write romance – DO SOMETHING with it! Don’t just FORCE the characters together because the plot demands it… that doesn’t work at all… Hell, FLASH SENTRY AND TWILIGHT SPARKLE in Equestria Girls shared MUCH more chemistry together than Madellaine and Quasimodo do, and I feel they HAVE a chance together…. Madellaine and Quasimodo have just stared awkwardly at each other and thrown themselves off rooftops…. I don’t see how that would get ANY couple together…. Oh, and also, the ‘Fallen in Love’ song is one of the most uninspiring songs in the whole film…

They run inside Notre Dame from the rain giggling annoyingly for way too long, and go up the stairs to the belltower…. And Madellaine comes across La Fidelle, and stares at it with - *an awkward close up on Madellaine’s face* DAGH! Okay, BACK AWAY, Madellaine! Stop hogging my personal space… Oh, and then Quasimodo shows the inside, saying ‘she’s even more beautiful on the inside’ and then gives an awkward stare….. YES, OKAY FILM – I get your OBVIOUS MORAL. Stop beating me over the head with it and BE SUBTLE. That’s another problem with this film – it’s main plot devices and messages seem UNGODLY forced to me. Quasimodo and Madellaine being forced into love and everyone continuously talking about the bloomin’ obvious, this bell being ‘beautiful in the inside’ and being compared to Quasimodo, Sarousche’s vanity – THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NO SUBTLETY IN IT. Film…. I know your makers said ‘Oh, it’s a children’s film, so we can throw them whatever rubbish we can throw up’ – but that is NO excuse to treat them like idiots… You don’t need to give SHOVING your morals and plot points in our faces like this…. We get it – Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. It’s what’s on the inside that really counts. Being beautiful on the outside means nothing if you’re not on the inside – WE GET. THE POINT. BACK OFF and let us figure things out for ourselves.

…….Or… continue shoving awkward animation of Madellaine’s reflection the gems in our faces, and have her… for some reason, see Sarousche in the reflection…. Okay, he’s NOT the Magic Mirror from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves… And now the next scene continues to shove in more bland and uninspired romance in our faces. ONCE AGAIN, they talk more about looking on the inside for qualities…. You know, if you keep talking about the same boring thing for minutes on end, it doesn’t make it any more interesting, it makes it TEDIOUS! And it’s just hammering in the point that these two are in love – I. GET IT. Oh, and apparently, Madellaine says Quasimodo knows more about the world than anyone she has ever met…. Er, hold on, Madellaine… I know this is just another contrived bit of lovey-dovey talk… But if you’re going to do that, even THIS needs SOME logic to it. Quasimodo has lived in the belltower of Notre Dame all his life, and YOU, on the other hand, are a TRAVELLING CIRCUS PERFORMER. How can you say that Quasimodo knows the world better than anyone YOU have ever known? It’s like saying Zack Snyder knows more about the Guardians of Ga’Hoole book series than Kathryn Lasky, the AUTHOR of those books, knows about it… It’s clearly the INVERSE which is the true statement…. Then Quasimodo gives Madellaine the doll he made of her, and says… ‘Now you can always see yourself through his eyes’… Er, so you mean she’s small and wooden? Haha, it actually makes sense. And now Madellaine keeps on babbling and babbling and says ‘I’m babbling again…’ ….. Sigh, okay, I don’t anything about the voice actress who voiced her off the top of my head, and I don’t have anything against that voice actress, but what I want right now is for Madellaine to SHUT THE HELL UP!!! JEEZ, THIS BINT IS ANNOYING!! She’s as annoying with her constant babbling and bland tone of voice as Melody was in Little Mermaid 2 with her bratty nature…. You’ve BEEN babbling throughout the whole film so far! And when she leaves, Quasimodo…. Starts staring at her awkwardly again… Oh, and then he collapses…. You know… it’s at this point that I think about the elephant in the room here…. I know there’s that issue about that Pokemon Tales comic I made a while ago, Burning Up For You, where Kindle first falls in love with Feng… and now I looking back at it, I’m beginning to wonder I actually did any better than this film did. I know that was a long time ago, but because of my past works, this film can be pretty difficult to watch in its own right, because it just makes me doubt if I wrote the romance in THAT comic right… But at least I have an excuse that I haven’t had any experience in writing romance before them in much detail (unless you count Path to Parenthood) – and THESE writers in Hunchback 2 WORK FOR DISNEY. There is NO excuse for this contrived mush…

On to the next scene. A crowd awkwardly stares into space for a few seconds, and then Clopin suddenly jumps up and announces Esmerelda’s dance. Er, sorry, but could this film not AFFORD to animated Esmerelda in that outfit she wore onstage in the first one that… admittedly, was pretty attractive? But then again, Zephyr is on stage… so if he is onstage with his MOM dancing the Dance D’Amour… And all the kids come onstage now…. Er… Okay, this got a bit awkward. Speaking of awkward, Quasimodo asks for Esmerelda’s help away from the crowd….. GUESS what they’ll talk about… QUASI IS IN LOVE. Once again, beating that plot point over my head. Yes, how can Quasimodo be so alien to this emotion if he’s FELT IT BEFORE?! He should know about it by now… And then, Phoebus comes in, announcing, rather aptly, that the circus is responsible for the robberies in town. Zephyr squawks about wanting to join the circus, and Phoebus forbids him to. And then Phoebus starts acting more and more like a racist douche towards carnies, and now Quasimodo wants to DEFEND his TWO DAY CRUSH. Also, Phoebus was actually CORRECT about the fact Madellaine was actually sent to get something from Quasi…. And yet, no-one EVER believes him about this...

Now Madellaine attempts the tightrope again, and then, Sarousche comes in, and she suddenly loses all the co-ordination she had the other day while jumping across the rooftops and falls over. By the way, a stock sound effect plays as she lands on the floor… they’re not even trying. Sarousche announces to her that Quasimodo may get hurt if he gets in the way, as he’s going up there with some henchmen. Also, interestingly, Madellaine does not actually tell Sarousche which bell La Fidelle is…. And yet he leaves anyway WITHOUT that information. And so the bland Madellaine collapses due to… blandness, at the same time Quasimodo has also collapsed and is staring at his own model…. IT’S NOT EMOTIONAL. STOP USING SAPPY MUSIC TO TRY AND FOOL ME INTO THINKING LIKE THIS. IT’S NOT WORKING.

Speaking of not working, Phoebus’ BRAIN is obviously not working…. He goes to Sarousche to ask him about the thefts (after Sarousche says ‘ooh lovely’ again). By the way, Yen Sid’s hat in this scene is actually a nice little touch. Phoebus asks about the robberies, and upon finding a jewelled necklace in his property…. Phoebus STILL can’t put two and two together, and Sarousche then pins the blame on Madellaine….. And Phoebus is stupid enough to NOT QUESTION why a jewelled necklace, which is most likely a stolen piece of property he SHOULD recognise from the reports he received, is in Sarousche’s property…. He doesn’t even take him into custody for questioning, considering how HE’S the leader of the carnies…. Phoebus… you’re an idiot…. Almost as much as an idiot as Madellaine for stumbling about the town, heading to Notre Dame. Quasi and Madellaine start BABBLING again, and as Madellaine leads Quasi away, the circus is starting to pack up…. Once again, HOW can PHOEBUS not notice something odd about them, NOT just Madellaine?! Oh, and here’s an annoying scene, Zephyr and Djali follow them, Zephyr screeching about wanting to join the circus….

Back in the belltower, the gargoyles see Sarousche and his minions enter the belltower… By the way, how did no-one in the church notice them enter? What, has it been BARREN just like the rest of the film? Oh, and remember the scene where Madellaine did NOT tell Sarousche which bell is La Fidelle? Well… he somehow finds the right bell anyway…. Sarousche looks inside the bell and has another ‘oooh, lovely’ moment… with an odd slur in his voice… Wait, is he drunk!? Well, I know the ANIMATORS and WRITERS are… And now he wants…. DIAMOND UNDERWEAR. OUCH. The gargoyles try to stop them from stealing La Fidelle….. but stupidly get themselves trapped in a bell…. Yeah, say what you will about the gargoyles in the FIRST film, but at least they helped fight off the villains there… They’re completely POINTLESS in this film. And now Quasi and Madellaine continue their contrived love talk with more annoying babbling… Just then, Zephyr and Djali head into the tower, and see Sarousche stealing the bell…. By…. Completely and utterly nonsensical means. Yeah, okay, he puts a tarp over La Fidelle, says a chant, and then lowers the curtain. And the bell has gone… Okay, you’re NOT Twilight Sparkle! How the heck can you remove a bell in a bell tower you’ve never seen or studied before by using parlour tricks?! Oh, and Zephyr says ‘They stole it.’ YOU DON’T SAY. The gargoyles manage to ring the bell they’re trapped in, and Quasimodo figures out something is wrong, and rushes back to the church. Oh, and get this – a priest IS inside the church, and says La Fidelle has been stolen…. And Clopin only cares about this stupid LOVE festival. Okay, IDIOTS who wrote this film – which is more valuable, a St Valentine’s Day wannabe, or a priceless bell worth MILLIONS? Quasimodo figures out that Madellaine used him to help Sarousche steal the bell, and goes inside as that blabbermouth Madellaine is FINALLY arrested. About time, if you ask me.….   Okay, why are the churchtower stairs in CGI? Something tells me THIS is where the animation budget went… Was it worth it, film? And Quasi breaks down on the stairs in the least convincing breakdown ever…

He heads to free the gargoyles from the bell, and then heads to help Zephyr. The guards close off the city gates, unaware that the carnies…. What’s LEFT of them, anyway – there’s only FOUR left in the whole film, if you don’t include Madellaine. Yeah, the rest of them have DISAPPEARED into the void, never to be seen again…. They’re heading through the sewers on a canal boat…. Running through the catacombs in the Court Of Miracles…. Geez, stop reminding me of better Disney films. It turns out that Zephyr and Djali have stowed away on the boat – hang on, how can a CANAL BOAT carry a huge gem studded bell that weighs something like a ton? Djali, quite possibly the BEST character in the whole film (at least Djali doesn’t annoy me, turn bland, or take part in uninspired romance…. ), escapes the carnies and heads off to get help… while Zephyr just stays there like an idiot and stupidly tells Sarousche that he’s the son of the Captain of the Guard… who would be a pretty good hostage… Zephyr, you TOOL. Now Phoebus starts acting like Frollo. Yeah, think about it – he’s acting racist towards carnies, he’s locked down the city, and is demanding a huge city search for them… Madellaine, who has been held in a prison cell, tells Phoebus about Sarouche’s plan, and Esmerelda begins to feel sympathy for her. But Phoebus begins acting like a douche again and doesn’t trust Madellaine…. And now Esmerelda tells Phoebus to look again… like he did with her. Okay, writers, PHOEBUS WAS NOT RACIST IN THE ORIGINAL FILM. He never had ANYTHING against gypsies in the original! And in another stupid move, Phoebus takes her along as a prisoner…. Wow, you’re putting a LOT of trust into this airhead, aren’t you? If they never found Sarousche, it makes me wonder whether they’d go ALL THE WAY BACK to the cell to lock her up and give her a scolding for false information… But no, the film needs SOME CONTRIVED REASON to work Blandellaine back into the film….

And now we’re nearing the climax of the film. Yeah, at least the film is mercifully short – only about an hour and three minutes. So, will the climax even have a CHANCE of being coming CLOSE to the grandeur of the original’s climax? …Well, considering the fact that all the characters in this film are bland shadows of their former selves, they’re fighting over a DAMN BELL rather than the safety of Paris, the annoying screech Zephyr is being hold hostage, and the main villain involved has been saying lines like – ‘ I could KISS me…. But I’d fall in love! ‘…. I don’t hold out much hope. Also, why the hell doesn’t Phoebus have any GUARDS with him? Anyway, Djali comes across our… ahem, ‘heroes’, after the film fails to scare us with badly CGI’d spiders. Sarousche admires himself in his mirror again, and then….. er… suddenly guards have appeared surrounding the exit… It’s not even worth questioning at this point. But I DO need to question why Phoebus is a big enough idiot NOT to bring any archers with him. He closes the exit on Sarousche, who holds up Zephyr, and –

Zephyr: ‘MAMA! PAPA!’ Eeeeegh… My ears…. Anyway, Madellaine tells Quasimodo she knows a way to help Sarousche….. Er, send the guards down to the boat and beat up Sarousche and his carnies? No, for some reason…

Zephyr: ‘PAPA!’ OUCH! MY EARS! God, it’s Vanellope Von Schweetz and Shaymin all over again… And dare I say it, he may be screeching as annoyingly as WHITEY from Eight Crazy Nights here… Haley Joel Osmont, what did they DO to you?! Zephyr is almost as annoying as Phoebus, GET THIS, being stupid enough to LET SAROUSCHE GO – even though he has hundreds of guards who could jump down and arrest Sarousche….. USE THAT PEA YOU CALL BRAIN! Oh, and by the way ‘ooh, lovely’ will NEVER be a good villain catchphrase. Now Quasi starts moping about not being with Esmerelda and having his heart broken again – WOW, this IS like a stupid fanfiction trying to vilify Phoebus…. Another awkward staring moment between Quasimodo and Madellaine causes Quasi to untie Madellaine, and she leads them away through a passageway. By the way, half of Phoebus’ guards have somehow…. Disappeared…

Zephyr: ‘MAMA! PAPA!’ GAAAAAAGGGGHHHH! SHUT YOUR MOUTH, YOU SNOT-NOSED LITTLE BRAT, OR I’LL COME INTO THE SCREEN AND BEAT SOME SENSE INTO YOU!! ……….Wow… I… really got mad there, didn’t I? But you see how ENRAGINGLY ANNOYING Zephyr is? And now we see Quasi throwing a rope to the other side of a chasm above Sarousche, and Madellaine climbing across… Yep, I knew it, the film needed SOME contrived way to make Madellaine have a point. Even though she was falling off the tightrope only a few scenes earlier, and Quasimodo is MUCH more limber and agile – as he’s been climbing about the churchtowers all his life… Now we have the combination of Madellaine’s obnoxious babbling and Zephyr’s obnoxious screeching…. EAR-RAPE. More contrived pointless lovey-dovey bits, and Madellaine… SOMEHOW has the dexterity to swing by her legs on the rope and catch Zephyr. And the guards, who SHOULD have arrested Sarousche earlier, FINALLY come in and arrest him. And he yells ‘NOT THE FACE!’ One of the LAMEST. VILLAINS. EVER.

As the carnies are taken away by the paddy wagon, that stupid love festival begins… and La Fidelle, a bell that SHOULDN’T be able to ring with all those jewels embedded on the inside, starts ringing…. Whoop-de-blooming-doo… It’s NOWHERE near as memorable as the ending to the other film, as there were nearly absolutely NO stakes in this film… aside from that stupid excuse to get Quasimodo a girlfriend. It wasn’t worth it, film…. It WAS NOT WORTH one of the worst Disney sequels in existence to get Quasimodo a bland, underwritten, annoying girlfriend. Djali and Hugo get together….. er…. And when Phoebus says ‘I was wrong, about all of it…’, I have to remind you that he was actually CORRECT about the carnies being thieves… They annoyingly yell their love and… for some reason, Achilles gets a last minute girlfriend… Er… yeah, I don’t know. And Madellaine and Quasimodo get one more annoying bit of love-related babbling, and sum up my reaction to the film in a nutshell – ‘Yuk’. Oh, and now the gargoyles take part in some screeching, and their…. Jaws fall off when Madellaine talks to them. Er… Quasimodo was talking to you in the first film, and you HELPED OUT AGAINST THE VILLAINS in the first film… Why would you be shocked about someone talking to you NOW?! Even in the last MINUTE, there are plot holes propping up. Oh, and Quasimodo SCREECHES ‘I love Madellaine’ and Madellaine yells ‘I love Quasimodo’ in an equally annoying voice… What an annoying way to end an annoying film…. Oh, but wait, how about one more completely UNSUBTLE shot of the Quasimodo and Madellaine dolls… OH FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE. I. GET IT THEY’RE IN LOVE. STOP REMINDING ME!! …..Urgh, I’m off to watch a much BETTER romance film…. Bram Stoker’s Dracula…

I've haven't seen the film but ater watching a clip of it I tought to myself this;
*sigh* I miss Frollo

It's too kiddy, and this is coming towards a sequel to Disney's most religious and darkest film.

One word: unnecessary.

Getting the animation a massive downgrade of the original, making new characters and turning the existing characters either bland, stupid or even both, having a plot so saccharine and corny that make any third-rate romance fanfic look like JRR Tolkien, replacing the grandeur of the music including 'Hellfire' (one of the best villain songs of Disney) with a shrilling tune sung by a prepubescent Haley Joel Osment that makes Atlantica on KHII sound pleasant and you have yourself what is considered the most infamous of the Disney Sequels and considered one of the worst, if not the worst thing Disney produced outside of anything Disney Channel can give.

As a Disney Fanatic Ive been up to date on the Disney Movies & there sequals I had bought &  added to my collection However this Disney sequal was so inferior & horrible that I didn't even want to buy it for my Disney collection. it was so horrible that I couldn't even make it through half the movie before I had to turn it off.

This is by far the worse Disney sequal I have ever seen. & probably the worse Disney Movie Ive ever seen.
as far as sequals & movies this is the only Disney sequal i have not bought because it was just that horrible. I do like the other ones though
like..
Kronks new groove
Lady & the tramp 2
& even Little mermaid 2 stood up as decent to my taste. but this one just no.
If I were you i would just stick to the first Hunchback of Notre dame. its classic & really good. don't waste your time watching this movie i couldn't even make it through half the movie before i had to turn it off.

seen it do not remember it at all

Screw THIS MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I've seen s####y movies like Fritz The Cat, The Cat In The Hat, The Wild, Fred The Movie, and Boku No Pico.... But this has to be the worst Thing I've seen since Boku No Pico and The Wild......................

7 D's; Disgusting, disgraceful to the original film, dreadful, disappointing, derailment of the characters, dead-characteristic villain, dangerous to view, and if I go on you might get bored.

as an easily amused 9 year old boy, i...no wait even AS AN EASILY AMUSED 9 YEAR OLD BOY I KNEW THIS FILM WAS ABSOLUTE HORSE SHIT

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

So, surprise, surprise, the film was horrible.  More over, it’s mere existence is one to bring up to question as well, why give The Hunchback of Notre Dame the sequel? I felt the movie ended pretty definitively, Frollo was defeated, Quasimodo was accepted by the people of Paris, Esmerelda and Phoebus got together and everyone lived happily ever after. Disney movies by their nature, end happily, it’s just how they’re written. They’re nothing wrong with that, but it’s obvious that almost none of the films lend themselves for sequels, prequels, or midquels. But all of the movies that had to pick for the direct-to-video sequel treatment, why pick the one that’s considered one of the darkest films in the company’s canon? Why make a family friendly sequel to a movie where the villain’s song was about how he’s lusting over the main female character and wants to damn her to hell (no, really, it’s awesome )? More then that, what possible dangling threads could they possibly tie up with this movie? Oh, but there is, the “unconventional” moment of the film’s ending. The fact that the main character doesn’t get the girl at the end. I, for one, felt it was a nice departure from the typical Disney norm, and felt very Han Solo/Princess Leia ala The Empire Strikes Back. Also, Quasimodo was happy just to be accepted by the people, who realized that true beauty is in the soul, not the body. As sappy as that sounds, it was touching and felt meaningful. So, essentially, the second’s existence is to fill that one part of the plot that some were not happy about, they might as well make the subtitle to the film “Quasimodo Gets Laid” in that case.

So yes, the film is essentially a repeat of the first films morale of true beauty is in the inside. But where the original did it with a sense of grace and it’s richly brought to life characters and visuals. This one does it with such a ham-fisted approach, it feel like I’m being bashed in the head with a baseball bat, with a nail in it. There’s just no grace or subtly to it, even kids will think this is overly sappy. Hell, I saw a bit of this film when I was younger, and even THEN I cringed at it….
Of course that’s not the only thing that is completely botched up, they somehow got the entire original voice cast to reprise their roles, but it’s fairly obvious that they are completely uninterested in what is happening, the voice acting feels phoned in, and Haley Joel Osment, who’s a really excellent actor, was degraded to an annoying child star in this with the role of Zephyr. It’s really frustrating to see these characters, who were fleshed out and actual people in the first film, turned to one dimensional shells of what they once were. Jennifer Love Hewitt as Madellaine is a generic “spunky” female love interest, feeling shallow and uninteresting, lacking any of the spark or energy Esmeralda had in the original. Of course the tragic misuse of its cast falls pale in comparison to the film's villain, Sarousch. While the original film was notable for Frollo, a genocidal religious psycho who made the film twice as watchable as it already was. This guy... isn‘t. Sarousch is a flamboyant narcissist who is so gay for himself, he has mirrors and pictures of himself all over his office. What’s his motive? To steal a bell, wow, that sounds threatening. His problem is that he isn’t threatening in the slightest, we have no reason to be concerned about this guy. I’m not kidding when I say I could beat this guy in a fight. He’s not even FUNNY like Edgar from The Aristocats or Alameda Slim from Home on the Range… Sarousche is just EMBARRASING…

One thing people will immediately notice is how horrifically awful the animation is, even by direct-to-video standards this is inexcusable. Apparently, the people making this never heard of shading or lighting effects. Because of this, the animation looks completely flat, and there is no sense of depth or blending between the characters and environment, all the characters looks like they’re being glued to an existing background. Colours are washed out and boring – remember, The Lion King 2 has the courtesy to have a vibrant colour palate. Character animation leaves a lot be desired, and it seems static. Finally, environments seem empty for some reason. Now, I know what you’re saying “Well, it’s direct to video, it’s budget is smaller, so what if it’s six years difference, you can’t expect a huge theatrical spectacle”, yes, that’s true, but at the very least, some form of remote quality is to be expected. I know 2D animated films that were made with a fraction of what was probably this film’s budget that look way more professional and of higher quality than this. I could go into further into detail about how it ruins all I love about the great qualities of the first film, the fact that its plot is too far low key for its own good, its pitiful excuse for a climax, or how it has no right to exist…… But to be honest, this film doesn’t DESERVE to be talked about…. It is THAT heinously bad…..

So… which is worse? THIS, or Belle’s Magical World? I’m going to go with Belle’s Magical World…. But only by like a hair or so… At least Hunchback 2 doesn’t have those horrible morals Belle’s Magical World had…. But that doesn’t stop Hunchback 2 from being a disaster of a Disney sequel that should NOT exist….

Phew…. Well…. That was…. Something…. Something TERRIBLE…. So, which Disney sequel is next? Well, this is one that, going into the Disney sequel reviews, I didn’t know existed… I thought that it COULDN’T exist…. But upon looking it up and doing some research, I actually have a good feeling about this next one. So, join me next time, where I’ll be reviewing…

BAMBI 2. Yes, there IS a Bambi 2….

UPCOMING REVIEWS

_________________________________________________________________________________

Disney Sequels

Rio 2 

Dragonslayer

The Rescuers

Fantasia

Gremlins 2: The New Batch

The Hunger

The Pick of Destiny

Open Season

Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva